In case of emergency....

....this sweater also doubles as a flotation device.

It's wrong, but

when i saw this picture, all I could wonder is what happens when you pull on the tassle? My fiance said it is probably like the Aadam's family doorbell, and Lurch will appear over her shoulder when you give it a tug. I'm afraid the thing might roll up like a windowshade if I gave it a yank.

Look Ma!

I learned how to make pom poms!!!

Misnomer

This Lion Brand pattern is called "Flattering Dress." I don't think it's possible to make anything flattering out of Homespun.

Poor girl

This poncho makes this poor kid look like she has no arms.

Shiver me timbers....

Ahoy, mate. This is from our notorious Bulgarian design firm, trying to knit up some sailer girl wear. Now I'm no nautical expert, but I can't imagine knitted pants being much help on a ship. The slightest sea spray would cause them sag at the least, or pants you in the worst case scenario.

This is a test

I can only hope this sweater was created just to test whether or not she could seam sleeves and a collar. Maybe it was created by a designer with ADHD who couldn't manage to sit long enough to create a whole sweater body. It doesn't even cover her boobs.

I'm frightened

These children scare me. They are a little too excited to be wrapped up in fun furishness

Are those....?

So the sweater...not so great. It's too geometric, too big, too what the hell were you thinking. But there are those tights! They are knitted tights to go along with it, so I suppose it's supposed to be worn as is? No pants? No skirt? No dignity?

Accessories of many colours

The bits of the coat left on the stadium floor were used to make matching accessories....

Cape of many colours

After Joseph and his coat of many colours were thrown into the lion's den, this was all that remained. Of the coat. Joseph....he's fine and living in Beverly Hills.....But the coat....not so much....

Fun with fun fur

This could not possibly look good on anyone. Not even on that friend everyone has who is uber stylish to the point that you want to throttle her on occasion. Not even scaled down to fit on a six-month old. And everything is cute on a six-month old.

More from Bulgaria...

This is the longest loincloth I have ever seen.

Does anyone else see the resemblance?

Superman's Granny

Over the weekend, I ran into an old lady who was very nice. I was having trouble lifting an 80 pound tub of honey. She hooked her finger under the handle, and lifted the whole thing with her pinky! I asked who she was, and she winked and said "I think you have heard of my grandson!" To protect her identity, and his, she would only let me photograph her from the back. I think I had a run in with Superman's granny!

Hot Hot Hot

Can someone please explain this to me? Did there used to be blue stuff on all the rest of it, but it fell off in the wash? Was she an extra in The Birds, and they all plucked her sweater clean to make their nests?

Let this be a lesson to you...

Always remove your knitwear before engaging in battle with Freddy Kruger.

Baby Tux

I used to work at Gap Kids/Baby Gap, so I know that there can be adorable ways to dress your kid up for a formal function. This is not one of them.

Snewd

First off, the word snood in itself is funny. Like kumquat or squeegee. It just feels funny rolling off your tongue, and slightly dirty besides. More importantly, it's a hideous knittrocity. Even my great-grandmother, who had a few snoods in her time, would not have sported this.

And is that model one of those Barbie heads that third-graders practice their makeup techniques on?

Hands off!

This pattern has these mittens worked into it, all intarsia-like. It's supposed to look like you casually threw your mittens-on-a-string around your neck after an afternoon of ice skating and general winter carousing. Though this way, you don't ever have to worry about your carefully placed mittens falling off when you bend over. It looks to me more like someone's grabbing the boobs of whoever this is supposed to go on with grubby mitteny hands.

Inquiring minds want to know...

For those who have been asking about the pics posted recently, they are from a design firm in Bulgaria. Apparently, they had different fashion standards over there. They "specialize" in women's "fashion" but they haven't completely forgotten about the boys. This design is called "Dickens" because it is only appropriate to wear to a 19th century literary character costume party. Or a Harry Potter get together.

Sheep!

This might be cute if it were on, say, a five-year-old. But this is just creepy.

Damn, I ran out of yarn....

....So I just tied on the leftover bits I had instead....

Call me crazy....

But I thought the purpose of a hat was to keep your ears warm. The model is confused about this as well.

Chastity Belt

This get up is called "Chastity Belt." I always pictured a chastity belt to be more, well, impregnable.

It seems like one of those outfits you have to plan on wearing, because once you're laced up in that thing, there is no way you're going to the bathroom for hours.

Haute Couture

Not only is this a tight-fitting ribbed skirt AND a multicolored, ruffly sweater......the designer knitted matching ruffles onto the back of the leggings. Every knitted item on this website was modeled by a, well, model. But apparently they couldn't find one willing to put this on.

Sickly

This is a bag, which might be ok when viewed in real life, from a different angle. But as it's posed here, it looks like a uterus with a bad case of the pox.

Theft alert!

At the latest unveiling the new winter knits line, the models' pants were quitely stolen during their makeup session, leaving them having to make do at the last minute with matching legwarmers, which happened to be lying nearby.

Sex-ay

Nothing turns me on more than a man in a knitted orange leisure suit.....

.....except for everything else.

Gah! I am glad I just barely missed the 70s!

Yes!

I finally finished my wristlets, painstakingly knitted from lengths of yarn salvaged from birds' nests.

What?

I have to weave in the ends?

Well....f*(@

I must have missed something

When did Miss Piggy become a cracked-out anteater?

Confession Time

A couple years ago, I worked at a yarn shop. My job was to make the customers happy, so when one woman came in insisting on making something very close to this for her daughter, I had to help her find the perfect color combination. It looked remarkably like this, but more fuschia and blinding. That poor daughter.

What I learned from Ebay, part III

Ebay totally caters to the Crazy Cat Ladies of the world

What I learned from Ebay, part II

Why spend the money on travel? You can own a fantastic Australia or Bermuda sweater, and feel like you've been there, done that!

I know one is a store-bought sweater, but it is still a knittrocity, nonetheless.

What I learned from Ebay

Animals need sweaters too! You wouldn't want your goose to get cold in those harsh Canadian winters! And no one wants an unstylish guinea pig!

Vintage Knittrocity

This is a knitted bathing suit from the 1930s. I am concerned that some woman saw this pattern, knit this for her husband and made him wear it, thus scarring him and his children for life. Why the belt? Why the peek-a-boo sides? Just......why?

Lobster, anyone?

This is the fanciest lobster bib I have ever seen!

Grrrrrr

Ok, this isn't knitted, but it totally pisses me off! Berroco "designed" this "necklace" to sell two hanks of glace per piece. The clasp? A book ring. A friggin book ring!

Berry Pretty

That really is the name of this pattern.

I hope this woman wore this as some sort of Halloween joke, and not to an actual black tie affair.

I finally found it

I finally found the *perfect* cape to hide my third, fourth, and fifth arms.

There's something about the way her right arm is hanging that makes it look like it's growing out of her back.

Past the doghouse

This guy messed up really bad. Worse than "you're sleeping on the couch!" bad. Worse than "you're in the doghouse" bad. This is "If you ever want to win my love back, you have to wear this sweater" bad.

Erm

I am a girl with hips built for birthin'. So I don't need a skirt that makes me look like I have a second set of hips attached to the side of my thighs.

Reversible sweater

Someone should have told the designer that "reversible sweater" does not mean you have the choice of buttoning up front-ways or back-ways!

Abominable Snowperson!

Here is a rare photo of the offspring of an abominable snowman tribe, taken high in the Himalayas. Note the sheen their fur has when they are young.

Obey me!

The hat's alright, though it does look a bit like the cat that lived in my grandmother's neighborhood for years that was always a bit raggedy and had chunks of its ears missing from fights with other street cats. But the girl is very obviously a future world leader in training.